


It’s Always Been You

by anyothergirl415



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-16
Updated: 2009-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-26 22:53:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/288779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyothergirl415/pseuds/anyothergirl415
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean feels just a little guilty for not being around on Sam’s twenty first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s Always Been You

**Author's Note:**

> 30 NaNo Shots 2009 - Prompt: Wish

Sam turned twenty one on a Tuesday, which kind of sucked because it meant he couldn't go out and party with his friends. Not that they didn't encourage him, but Sam knew his tuition depended on good grades so he was stuck studying the laws and practices of ancient Rome. And here he'd thought the class would be a nice break from his pre law stuff. Now he was holed up in his room, throwing annoyed glances at the alarm clock on his night stand.

When the phone rang he expected it to be Mike, begging him to come join them at the bar, but the final was next week and failing it wasn't an option. Only the caller ID didn't say Mike. No. It said another name that had his heart skipping a beat before bursting it motion.

“Dean,” he answered with a whispered breath, shifting on the bed to sit up.

There was a soft chuckle over the line before Dean’s gruff, “hey Sammy.”

It had been awhile since the last time Sam had spoken with his brother, too long. “Dude what the fuck? It’s been like… two years.”

There was something sad and soft about Dean’s answering sigh, “I know. I keep working up the nerve to call you but… well obviously that never worked. I couldn’t figure out the right way to apologize.”

“You never had to apologize for Dad. That wasn’t your place,” Sam said softly and picked at his blanket, curving his fingers around the phone and pressing it harder into his ear. As if it physically connected him to his brother.

Dean sighed, “No… I had to apologize for me. There were about a million things I should have said before you left.”

That was an understatement and Sam could have been angry, pissed even, that Dean had seemed to so quickly write him off but it wasn’t worth the energy. The point was Dean was calling _now_ , on this day, and that meant some part of him cared. “I probably could have said some stuff too, I mean, besides the things I did say.”

There was a moment of silence before Dean’s laugh fell warm and pleasant over the line, stirring up parts of Sam’s heart that hadn’t been tapped in years. “So what are you up too Sammy? Sounds awful quiet for a party.”

“No party. I’ve got finals next week so I’m studying,” Sam laughed, imagining the look Dean would have given him if he were there. “I’ll party after the exams, when I don’t have to try and remember dates and key points through an alcohol haze.”

“Lame,” Dean chuckled in return and Sam heard the creek of the mattress as his brother shifted. “I’m in bumfuck nowhere Idaho. Looking into this haunting in a library. Crazy fuckin’ ghosts sometimes.”

Sam’s lips quirked up even as he rolled on the mattress and fell back, head dipping into the pillow. It was nice, talking to his brother so casually. There had been times when Sam imagined how a conversation would go between the two of them. Sometimes he thought he would yell until he was hoarse, or cry until he was emotionally spent, this was a much better alternative. “What’s this one up too?”

Dean sighed and Sam listened to the crinkle of a bag followed by the crunch of chips, soft static across the line. “Killing teenagers who make out in the stacks,” Dean chuckled then broke off abruptly. “I know… I shouldn’t find that funny but god some people have weird vendetta’s you know?”

“Yeah I’d say that one ranks pretty high up on the list of lame,” Sam laughed quietly for a few moments before falling into silence. He toyed with his question for a moment before asking softly, “How’s Dad?”

From the level of Dean’s sigh, Sam could tell it wasn’t his subject of choice. “He’s Dad. Worries about you but too stubborn to call. You know I do a lot of my own hunts now but he calls me if he needs help, and I call him if I do.”

“Sounds like him,” Sam chuckled humorlessly, rolling onto his side and picking at his blanket again, working at the fabric. “And… how are you?”

There was a long moment of silence in which Sam wondered if he’d crossed a line, touched a nerve Dean wasn’t ready to address with such a simple question, but then his brother was puffing out a small burst of sad air, “I don’t know Sam. I have my days. Doesn’t everyone?”

“Yeah but I’d say a good ninety eight percent of the population doesn’t have to go through those days alone,” Sam mused.

“Do you have too?” Dean asked and Sam turned over what he wanted to know.

There could be any question underlying Dean’s. Was he seeing someone? Did he have friends? Was he okay, or at least better than Dean seemed to be doing? “I didn’t used to.” Not before, when Dean was around and they could share those off days together.

“You likin’ school?” Dean’s question was gruff, rough around the edges with the possibility of emotions stirring up in him.

Sam pursed his lips and glared down at the open text book at the foot of his bed. “Most days,” he mumbled and dragged a hand up through his hair. “So… you should come see me. Summer break starts soon, we could hang out for awhile.”

“Okay,” Dean agreed a lot quickier then Sam expected him too. Then again, Dean had called him so he supposed it meant things weren’t all shit between them. “Got a girl?”

Sam should have known that Dean had been asking that before with his _do you have too_ , but he wasn’t going to supply an answer without a question and now that he had the question, the answer was harder to spit out than it should have been. “There’s… kind of. Well… it’s complicated.”

“Oh,” Dean cleared his throat and Sam registered the flash of hurt before a chuckle covered the moment. “Good for you Sammy. I bet she’s a looker. Got a name?”

“Dean I…” he trailed off and his heart clenched slightly, arm wrapping around his legs as he pulled them up to his chest. “Look I know you and I were…”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Dean cut him off and Sam could feel his shoulders shrug through the phone, could tell he was trying to make light of this situation. “You deserve something normal. Pretty girl with your new life. It’s fitting.”

Sam sighed and dragged a hand through his hair once more, “Dean, don’t be like that. You’re misunderstanding.”

“I’m not being like anything Sam,” Dean’s voice was taking on that tense tone, familiar over the years. “It was never easy. I wish it could be but… it just doesn’t work that way. I’ve accepted that. We made our choice and it changed things between us. It’s too late to go back on that.”

They have had similar conversations to this one but not for years and Sam’s older, wiser after the extended absence. “I miss you.”

Dean swallowed hard, Sam could hear it through the line, “I miss you too Sam.”

“I think about you…” Sam whispered and fell once more down onto his back. “A lot more then I should.”

“I think about you all the time,” Dean whispered in return, words barely rising above the static crackling on the line.

Sam’s heart clenched in his chest, stuttering over beats, pulsing blood through his veins faster than normal, affecting him in a way only Dean could. “Yeah? How do you think about me?” His voice was deeper, huskier around the edges.

The mattress Dean was sitting on creaked and Sam imagined him sliding down on the bed, getting more comfortable. “Pretty much every way. I think about how smooth your skin is under my fingers. Or the way your lips feel against mine, the way your come tastes sliding down my throat.”

“Jesus,” Sam breathed and slid his hand roughly under his boxers, trailing over the hard line of his flesh. It had been far too long since something had turned him on like this, in the way only Dean could. “Are you touching yourself?”

There was the clink of metal from Dean’s belt and a swish of fabric. “Yes, god Sam I wish it was your hand on me. You should feel how hard I am for you.”

Sam gasped as his fingers curled around himself, stroking up steady and swift. It wasn’t so much the words, more the gentle pants of air falling from Dean’s mouth, and the meaning of the moment. Two years of radio silence and not even ten minutes on the phone and they once more found themselves back in this situation. Hundreds of miles apart and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, so to speak. “I want it. Want to suck you.”

Dean moaned and Sam could hear the slick of flesh across the line. “Yeah Sammy, gonna work my cock in your mouth, make you swallow me up.”

Rolling his hips up into his hand, Sam’s eyes snapped closed and he balanced the phone in the crook of his neck in favor of jamming another hand under his sweats to cup his balls. “Wanna feel you in me. Miss how full you make me.”

“Christ Sam,” Dean moaned and the sound of flesh on flesh quickened.

He was coming before he wanted too, before it had been long enough to properly enjoy the moment, and his body curled up off the bed, quick gasps leaving his lips. Sam came down just in time to hear Dean’s release, familiar quick grunts and equally soft moans. “Dean…” he whispered and worked his hands free of cooling sticky come on the bed sheet.

“Happy birthday Sammy,” Dean murmured.

Sam listened to his brother breathe for awhile, quiet and comfortable across the line. He didn’t know how long had passed, or if Dean was still even there, but Sam clung to the phone as if it were all he had. “Will you come see me?”

There was more silence and Sam sighed, giving up on the idea of an answer. His fingers curved around the phone in his palm, ready to snap it shut.

And then, “Yes. I’ll come see you.”

That thing in Sam’s heart kick started again and his lips quirked up in a smile. “Soon? My semester finishes next week.”

“Soon,” Dean agreed. “What about…?”

“It’s always been you,” Sam mumbled and his eyes slid closed. Sam listened to his brother’s soft breaths until sleep pulled him under, a small smile on his face.  



End file.
